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Me, myself and I...
Beeing gay in Croatia might be problematic, but is it the fact that im sexually different oriented or just the fact that I'm just myself, without acting, that makes life such a riddle? Follow me through my life and help me discover my role in this whole story called life.
Have a look...
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...searching the meaning of life!
Relax, take it easy!
- 23:25 -
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There's a kind of emptiness inside of me, don't know where to go...is left right? Not to know which road to take is the hardest quest I ever had. When heart and head aren’t collaborating, and you’re aware of that fact, you’re in the middle of nowhere…that’s where I am right now! Big changes are in front of me, still far away, somewhere at the horizon, but I’m seeing it coming nearer and nearer every day, that’s kind of scaring me. Also if I’m aware that the possibility of running away is still actual, I don’t want to give up. I’ve said words, heavy words, which I can’t take back right now, because I promised not to. Why do we need all this promises? Do they come back to argue? Nancy-Lou Freebush |
...don't be afraid to dream (shit on the radio)!
- 23:04 -
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Getting critics, from a person you know, is much more easy to handle then getting it from nobody. Just by the way. |
shup up and sing or your life will be over!
- 23:07 -
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Runaway bride? Hmmmm! I was just thinking about getting married and about the proposal which I’ve got yesterday. Would I be prepared for the ONE? Is there a time when you're ready for the one final step? We where just browsing in bridal magazines with some coworkers in my company, what is it about that whole marriage thing? Why do we need an endorsement from a third person for our love? I guess that's just a paper which makes us believe that the partner’s loyal. It's Saturday evening and I’m sitting at home writing my blog, what the hell is going on? I become more and more apathetic; there is absolutely no mind for going out and party. I just want to stay at home and watch a good movie, drinking and eating good staff and going to bed as early as possible. I think it's just this fucking winter time which drives me crazy, and having nobody on my side makes the whole thing even worst. So anyway, I need some rest. Greets and love Leona |
easy silence
- 00:01 -
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a broken heart served on silver platter, the see is moving without ending, being alone on the couch, bad smell, drinking till' you forget everything... there's a stain on the couch, it's irremovable just like my thoughts about you, they're always here, they haven't any meaning just like the stain, but they're here. There's an easy silence in my life, don't know if it's the big silence before the big storm but something's gonna happen. autumn just past away, the winter never was, I feel just like autumn. There is nothing in me, the good time is past and there is nothing in front of me. All life's death. I'm holding on to a little bit of energy coming from nowhere and all I want is summer. But maybe autumn's good for my love life. Is being single really that bad? Are we just with somebody to get the grant that we're wanted and loved? Is having a partner the solution on loneliness? It's quite late, I need some rest. Love you all and be good. Bunifa |
keep hitting the same note...
- 20:22 -
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over and over again. This was my thought about the breaking up of my last relationship. How fast can love turn into friendship? It's now 2 days ago since our break-up and today we're pretending to be friends. to whom are we lying? I'm not sure if he's doing that not to show his real emotions of any other reason, but being friends now is just impossible. I’m fine with the fact that's over now but at the moment, there's no space for more. I don't know what's worst; hurt or disappointing? After every break-up I was hurt, it's a naturally feeling which comes and go and once forgotten...friends. But it's the first time that I'm just disappointed. And this feeling is eating me up, because I'm on the phone for hours with him and I can't say that to him. He's so sensitive and breakable and in a bad mood right now, telling him more bad news would kill him for sure. Ok, now's just the question: what's now? What's next? I'm since 2 years constantly in relationships, the longest break that i had was for 2 weeks. But I'm really tired of playing games, of all that bad promises with no content. Hearing "I love you" after a couple of days again. I'm just so sick of all that love stuff. maybe this disappointment was just right in time to calm down and to stop and to take a deep breath before the real thing comes through. My best friend read me the cards, and there is a blonde guy in my life which will come sooner as I can imagine...Believing the cards, he has to be the ONE! So, we'll see. |
Not ready to make nice!
- 13:55 -
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Just got back from my vacation in my hometown Switzerland. Things definitely changed. We lost a good friend and the worst thing about that is that there is no going back, there is no more space for an apologize. I'm not ready to make nice. Being abroad and watching the situation from far away and not having the control is not that easy and the worst thing about that is that I still want to be a part of everything. I had quite fun days, at least it was to short. I saw a person which was very close to me and now we're just friends. Feeling his touch and looking him in the eyes recalled memories from good past times. He asked me about my new boyfriend and about my intentions with him, I didn't know what to answer I felt that kind of uncomfortable that I lied. He said that there is still space and hope for us two, maybe one day will find ourselves together again. I was surprised about this sentence as I broke up with him. How strong must feelings be to forgive and forget? I always said that I'm to good to forgive and that i won't, we'll see about that. I’ve some strange feelings about some things and I have to figure out if they’re true, so I have to go, see ya soon. Cowboys & kisses |
The (s)Ex-File
- 21:36 -
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Sharing sexual and emotional feelings with a person is a very intimate and personal thing. Breaking up is even more emotional and full of hurt. Seeing this person again and again after a break-up and trying to build a healthy relationship as friends is harder than I thought that it would be. Yesterday my ex came over and we were sitting in my apartment, the place where we had sex, where we promised us to love each other till the end of time and now we’re just sitting there and drinking coffee. A strange feeling without explanation. How to interpret his looks, is there still something? It’s always hard to leave a person although you still love him. But anyway, past is past. The good thing about closing a door is that another one opens, and you never know what’s behind. Fortunately I had luck and I found just the best. Right now I’m listening to Nelly Furtados new song “All good things (come to an end)” which matches quite the topic. A good old friend of mine asked me if it’s true; will all good things have an end? Is there an answer on this question? Where’s the guarantee that everything lasts forever? So never mind and enjoy every second of your life! Wish you a nice evening. One love Queen of the night |
Here I am (once again)!
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Congratulations to myself, I just got my very first own blog  I really don't know what was my intention to start it, I guess boredom or just solitude. Anyway, now I'm here. You'll have a look into my life and you'll share all of my everyday situations. I'll tell you about my feelings and my innermost reflections. And so that was Christmas, another holiday full of stress and tears. Every year's the same, a lot of unnecessary expenses and everybody's talking about presents. It seems to me that we're trying to compete in buying the best or most expensive present, just to show our dears that we love them! Is that really the way to show somebody how much we love them? Isn't it ironic? Of course we have to go out on Christmas Eve and we have to look the best way possible; if you're shoes doesn't match you're belt you won't be placed in the "Elite" of town. Not going to church means that you're not a Christian, no matter if your vocabulary's consisting to 90% of fu... and sh..., you have to go to church, just to approve your surrounding that you're a good person. I'm so sick of all this stereotypes. Every Christmas I feel like the Grinch (btw. you have to watch the movie...A MUST). I'm sitting alone at home crying in hope that everything’s over a soon as possible. Otherwise, I got the most beautiful present this Christmas that I've ever got and that wasn't buyed with money...I found my new boyfriend. Honey, I love you most of all!  So folk, that's all 4 today. Good night and greets! The Grinch  |